40 pounds.

My size has always been an issue for me. As a child, I was the tallest person (not girl, person) in most of my classes from about the 3rd grade through the 8th. Kids are the ultimate purveyors of cruelty, and I got more than my share of teasing based on my height. The insecurity this instilled in me hung on through high school, past the point when others were outgrowing me, and though I don't think it completely defined me as a person, I was always conscious of being "big." Looking back at pictures of me from high school and college I just want to cry. Not because I was fat, but because I wasn't. I spent years wanting to hide a body that was at worst average and at best, healthy and strong. I want to tell that girl that having long legs and strong shoulders is a good thing, a great thing, and that you shouldn't cede control of your physical self worth to others. But I can't.

High school graduation, June 1997.

Rockport, MA, August 2005.

In the summer of 2005, less than a year after my wedding, my dad started to have shortness of breath when walking up the stairs of his Connecticut condo. Dad was one of those people who was rarely sick and even when he was, he almost never visited a doctor. The man wore drug-store reading glasses until the day he died, which was unfortunately on November 24th, 2006, after his short battles with first myelodysplasia and then leukemia. The shortness of breath was the first indication he had that he was sick, and in the year following his myelodysplasia diagnosis he went through chemotherapy, a bone marrow transplant, several months of seeming recovery and then a second, more damning diagnosis of acute myeloid leukemia. Dad listened carefully to his options, did his research and decided that he wanted to spend the time he had left (weeks, maybe months) at home with his family and not in pain from treatments that wouldn't turn the odds in his favor. 

My heart, along with everything else, just stopped. My father was my rock, and he was dying.

I immediately took a leave of absence from work and told my (amazingly understanding) boss that I had no clue when I was coming back. My sister dropped out of her PhD program and she, her boyfriend, their dogs, along with I, my husband, and our cat, all moved into my parent's home for my father's final months. Because we all had animals that didn't get along across pack lines, the house turned into a series of tiny DMZs defined by baby gates and arranged so that the various cats and dogs had their own spaces, separate from the alien presence of their extended fuzzy family. We all hunkered down and became fluent in Dad's daily med schedules while trying to reconcile ourselves with the new and strange world into which we were thrust. Every day was a gift and a curse...more time with Dad but more time to wonder when and how it would end. Would he be blessed with a short, peaceful death? Would he be in pain? What would we do without him?

Life for us became a tense march toward the inevitable. My family is not great at communicating our feelings, so discussions focused on dealing with the situation emotionally were fairly infrequent and never in depth. My Dad, ever the planner, arranged all of his affairs so that my Mom wouldn't have to worry about necessities, like the house or her health care, all while slowly fading away from us. He had okay days and awful days, and even some really funny days when he was trying Marinol for his pain. We were managing his care mostly at home and when it became obvious that his time was short, we began relying on hospice care for daily support. The kind, wonderful hospice nurses were the ones who finally convinced us to stop offering him food, which only made him uncomfortable and was really us trying to retain a sense of normalcy. We had a very low key Thanksgiving that year and sometime after midnight, Dad was just ready. My mom, my sister and I were all with him, telling him it was okay and encouraging him to let go. The moment he died was the hardest of my life but also a huge relief, which is hard to reconcile even in my mind but it marked the moment that he finally found peace after a painful struggle. I will cherish that moment forever.

Anyone who is still with me at this point is probably wondering: what in the hell does any of this have to do with my body issues? Well, earlier this year my Mom was visiting us and had brought her laptop. M was going through her files, making sure that we had a complete back-up for her system and porting some of her pictures to our machines. Mom and I started going through the pictures one by one, like you do, and we eventually got to the pictures from that fall. And as we clicked through, I watched myself gain 40lbs over the course of three months. While I wasn't fat in college or afterward, I do tend to be a stress eater and someone who looks to food for comfort. I gained 20lbs while planning my wedding in 2003/2004 and then lost about half of that before being a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding in October 2005. Somehow, I kept the weight gain during the first part of Dad's illness to a minimum, but once we knew he was terminal it just piled on. Watching my weight balloon in those pictures was painful and alarming. Having had two babies, I am no stranger to watching my body change, but I lost all the weight I gained with both kids pretty quickly (I only gained around 35lbs with each of them so most of it was baby/water weight). The stubborn 40lbs from that fall, however, had become part of me and I was finally able to see the difference they made very clearly. I didn't like it.

Me in March 2007.

Shortly after this disturbing revelation, I joined Weight Watchers. Online, because as I mentioned before my family really doesn't like to talk about their feelings. I have been somewhat lazy about adhering to my daily points and am very, very bad about entering my daily food intake, but somehow I have managed to lose 9lbs! I finally feel like I am on the road to a healthier weight and I am very excited about it. I don't plan to share my before weight here (body issues are hard to get past) but will say that it is over 200. Ouch. My goal is to use WW to lose those 40lbs and become a healthier version of me, not so that I will look better in a bathing suit, but so that I will be in better health for me and my family. I want to meet my grandkids one day and being overweight never helped anyone live longer.

Okay, this is really wordy, but I figured that sharing my goal and my progress can only help. I am including a  current picture of me for your enjoyment, and will update with new pics as the weight continues to come off.

Me, up close and personal, in August 2013.

Be well,

Me

Freeze frame: August 2013.

Time for another freeze frame (let's ignore my 2+ month silence, shall we?). I started this one in June but never got as far as adding in any content and now it is August and so much has happened this summer. The usually warm months have been fairly mild, with what seems like less than 2 weeks of really hot days. That has meant less time at our neighborhood pool (bummer) but also fewer moments with sweaty, tired, grouchy kiddos so let's call it a wash.

The Numa

Oh, my Numa. The Numa has always gravitated to little boys like himself: busy, handsy (is that a word?) and mischievous. These friendships inevitably end up being very love/hate and there is typically some hitting and rough play on the part of both parties which leads to tears, tattling and mixed reports from teachers at the end of the day. The Nums has never been an aggressive or mean kid, but he can definitely get pretty physical when playing and sometimes hits when he is frustrated or tired. He also has personal space issues, in that he would really, really like to share yours. He will sit in anyone's lap, which can be awkward when we are, say, eating breakfast with an old friend who is meeting him for the first time and wasn't really expecting to have a preschooler attempt to steal his blueberry muffin. (Sorry D! M and I have a new rule that one of us needs to sit next to the Nums during meals out for this very reason.) All that being said, he is a pretty normal 3.5 year old who is bright, loud, affectionate, energetic and for the most part really kind.

The biggest development for the Numa this summer has been potty training. M and I decided at the beginning of this month that we were all done changing messy diapers for our little guy. Just in case you don't have kids, or your kids are younger than the Nums, let me explain why: baby poop is gross but preschooler poop is just like adult poop which is magnitudes worse, especially if your kid eats as much as mine does. At some point, it just crosses a threshold and you suddenly realize that changing one more of these disgusting things is going to put you over the edge. So we did what we swore we never would. We bribed him. With a Disney movie. (Don't worry...my pre-kid self is judging me harder than you ever could.) The Nums had never seen Cars but had many friends who proudly wore merchandise bearing its stars on a regular basis and he was really interested. So on a Sunday night, we taped the Amazon-Primed Cars DVD to the bathroom wall and told the Numa that if he pooped in the potty, he got to watch the movie. At that point he was pretty willing to pee in the potty if you asked him, but pooping was out of the question (apparently a pretty common thing). At 7:40pm on Tuesday, I was putting the Numa to bed when he suddenly exclaimed "Mommy! I have to poop!" We ran to the bathroom (trying not to awaken his sister) and he finally did it. I was so happy! And then he promptly asked "I get to watch Car movie now?" My smile immediately morphed into a stunned O. It never occurred to us that he might cash in on our offer at night - seriously, we completely overlooked this possibility. A promise is a promise, however, and at 8pm that night M, the Numa and I settled in to watch Cars, which is much longer than I expected. I am pretty sure that M and I fell asleep at some point but the Numa was still going strong when the credits ended around 10:15. It took another hour to get him to go to sleep and by the time the morning rolled around he was a whiny mess. For the sake of everyone's sanity, I kept him at home and spent the day reinforcing the potty issue. We decided to go all in that morning and eliminated diapers as a daytime option, which was rough that first day (at one point there was a 30 minute stand-off with the Nums in tears shouting "the pee-pee won't come out!") but in retrospect was totally the right call. He has had only 4 accidents and is still in pull-ups at night and during his nap but while he is awake it is big boy underwear all the time. Only 3 pairs have Cars characters. Bribery FTW!

(Side note: The best and funniest part of the whole potty training experience has been how the Numa has taken to heart all of our encouragement. Because we are constantly praising his efforts and successes, he now returns the favor, frequently exclaiming "Mommy - did you go to the potty all by yourself? Good job, Mommy, good job!" while he claps enthusiastically. Freaking adorable.)

The Numa and his sister continue to be good friends and he loves to help her. He shares his food and toys, holds her hand while she (spoiler alert!) walks and alerts M and I if he thinks she is in distress. They giggle and chase each other in the evenings before bed, with first one hiding and then the other, and their relationship makes me happy in a way I can't even describe. I hope they will always be close.

His current favorite things are the New England Aquarium (thanks for the membership, Gma P!), toy cars, the Cars movie, corn-on-the-cob, hot dogs and taking pictures. He has always loved playing with Gma P's camera and iPhone (since Mommy and Daddy refuse to let him have ours) and now has discovered the camera on his LeapPad. He takes pictures of everything and if his interest continues he may get a kid-friendly digital camera for Christmas. When we are putting him to bed he likes for us to draw circles and triangles and stars on his back and to write his name, after which he wants us to come back "before you go" approximately 8,000 times. Then he talks to himself and kicks the wall for at least 30 minutes before finally falling asleep. He is getting really excited about letters and always wants us to spell the words in books so he can identify them. So far he is solid with O and E and we are working on S. His current favorite songs are Get Lucky by Daft Punk (I like Stephen Colbert's version best - I still cry laughing at the last shot of him and Jeff Bridges in the stairwell) and ATFC's When The Needle Drops (Summatime Radio Edit). Clearly M is his musical guide. He has discovered Dr. Seuss and is loving Green Eggs and Ham which he relates back to our one-bite rule. He is a challenging little guy at times but his sweet, sunny little personality makes me smile every day. And I don't know many people of whom that can be said.

Her Highness

Our little HH turned one in July, surrounded by her grandmas and some of our close friends. How on earth is she already a year old? It simultaneously feels like she was born 30 seconds ago (not in my nether regions, thank goodness) and like she was always a part of our family. She has had so many firsts this year but her biggest two to date are walking and talking! She has been tentatively taking steps here and there for a couple of months now, but just this past weekend reached the point where she would prefer to walk than to crawl. Or be carried. It now takes FOREVER to go anywhere, because she wants to walk all the time, but that is totally fine and we are all pretty patient while she slowly meanders toward her goal. The Numa holds her hand so gently and is really good about not pulling her and instead letting her set the pace. She is delighted with her new skill and it is so cute to see her toddling around on her chubby little legs. Plus, she will now wear dresses! When she was crawling she absolutely refused and I am so glad to finally get to put her in all of the cute dresses in her closet. She still has very little hair, but what is there curls just slightly at the edges. Her chipmunk cheeks continue to delight me and after she eats she gets a baby pot-belly. I seriously just want to eat her all the time because the cuteness is overwhelming.

HH has always been a big babbler. She "talks" to herself and us all the time but it is only recently that she has tried saying real words. Chief among her new words are the names of the things she loves most. She cannot say the Numa's real name, which is a hard one for little kids to master, but we can definitely tell when she is trying. She also tries to say Radar and Saoirse ("sear-sha") and has limited success there, mostly with Radar. The name she most likes to say is Leo, who is one of her friends from school, and she repeats it over and over again, although it sounds more like "We-o" when she really gets going. Missing from her attempts: Mommy and Daddy. Clearly we are not as popular as we thought.

HH is an easygoing girl for the most part but can also be super dramatic, a trait I am very much afraid she got from my side of the family. Mommy leaving is still THE WORST THING EVER and causes tears on an almost daily basis. She does not like to be confined and the playpen has become akin to purgatory for her, so we are finding other ways to contain her when we need to set her down for a few minutes. She loves the cats, a feeling which is not always mutual but both Radar and Saoirse are really good with the kids and Radar in particular will take a lot of abuse before he decides to move. (Just in case anyone was worried - no, we do not let the kids "abuse" the animals and we always ensure that they are gentle, but there is a learning curve here for all of them and we are just thankful that our pets are patient and have always been very gentle with the kids.)

I am terrified to even think this, much less put it in writing, but HH has slept through the night pretty consistently for the past week. This is a first for her and the streak will surely end now that I have jinxed it. It has been great for M and I to finally get more than 4 hours of sleep at a time and we are hopeful that this is a new habit and not a fluke. HH is also getting better about going to new people - it still takes her a few days to warm up to anyone but she is much more willing to let people other than M or I hold her or help her with things. She never seems to eat very much but is somehow maintaining her chub even though she is officially done with formula (except for the last remnants of the last can at school - that stuff is expensive and I will be damned if we are going to throw any of it out). She is both a picky and adventurous eater, sometimes wanting only eggs and pasta and sometimes willing to try figs or tomatoes or asparagus or chorizo. She has huge feet, a delicious baby laugh and boundless curiosity and we can't wait to see what she will learn next.

Be well,

Me

Kitchen progress - Chapter 5.

Once all the appliances were in the kitchen was mostly finished. All that was left to do was to add final details and, of course, unpack way too many dishes, gadgets and utensils. Since the small details are all important but not necessarily related (other than by being in the kitchen), I will do a small blurb about each.

Pendant light: The kitchen in our apartment had one, very bright, ceiling mounted fluorescent light, a small task light in the stove hood and no windows. This meant that you had very few lighting options and honestly, I used only the hood light even when it was dark because of the ugly light supplied by the standard ceiling fixture. We really wanted the new kitchen to have some options for lighting that could change depending on the time of day and the task at hand. As you will recall from Chapter 2, we had the electrical box for the existing pendant light moved from the middle of the room to a position centered above the sink and installed 6 new pot lights which are on a dimmer. These are the main lights in the room and they provide a nice, bright light that isn't too harsh. In addition to the pot lights, we also installed the new pendant over the sink, put in 3 under cabinet lights and installed an exhaust hood with a built-in light.

We looked for a long time at pendant lights and explored options from a $20 IKEA fixture to a much more expensive glass globe light. In the end, we chose the Renovators Harbor Pendant 2 finishes (that is the actual name of the fixture as listed on the website), an industrial style metal pendant from Shades of Light. As the name implies, it is available in two finishes, Olde Bronze and Polished Nickel. We couldn't decide which finish we liked best so we ordered both and waited until almost everything else was done so we could see the fixture in the space. Final answer: Olde Bronze. The brushed stainless finishes on the appliances and the faucet just didn't work with the Polished Nickel but the bronze echoed the new coat of oil rubbed bronze that was freshly spray painted on our window hardware and just looked more like it belonged in the room.

Pendant installed.

Likewise we considered several options for under cabinet lights. You would never guess that there are so many types of lights for this purpose, but we found out that you can get under cabinet lighting in fluorescent, halogen, xenon and LED. A local lighting store had all the options on display so I and my lovely MIL took a trip to check them out and determine which one looked best. All of the lights were a little more blue than I wanted, but the xenon was pretty tolerable and low voltage so we relayed our opinions to M, who agreed that xenon was the winner. We considered purchasing the units locally but found that they were much cheaper online. I think we finally ordered ours, in the brushed silver finish, from Amazon. We opted for the brushed silver because it was possible to see the light housing from some angles and the silver looked much nicer than the white or black options. We decided to install 3 units: two under the cabinets to the right of the fridge and one under the cabinet next to the wall oven. This may seem like a strange choice, given that there is more counter space next to the wall oven than next to the fridge, but unfortunately the cabinet boxes dictated what we could install where. We were told that it was unwise to have the light boxes straddle a join in the cabinet boxes, so centering one light under the cabinets next to the fridge wasn't an option as those cabinets are two separate boxes that abut each other (instead of one box with two doors - make sense?). You can see the two lights in the picture below because of the angle, but we don't notice them when we are in the room.

The cabinets next to the wall oven are also comprised of two cabinet boxes, but one of them is double the width of the other which is why there are three doors. The middle and right-hand doors are a single cabinet box so our choices were to use a light under each door or to put only one in the middle (a longer light box would have fit but it would have straddled a cabinet box join so that was out). We decided that three boxes was overkill and just installed one in the center, which provides plenty of light for the space. The under cabinet lights are also on a dimmer, which is helpful for making bottles at 3am.

Cabinet drawer and door hardware: Because all of the cabinets came from IKEA and we were eligible for that lovely 20% discount on most of the additional kitchen hardware, we decided to go with cabinet and drawer handles from the same. This time there was very little debate. M liked the LANSA handles and since I was 7 months pregnant and had a stress fracture in my foot and an active toddler, I liked whatever I didn't have to choose. And I do really like the LANSAs...they have a simple, clean aesthetic and are easy to pull. Radar likes them also and spends a considerable amount of time biting the ends, mostly when he wants to be fed which is anytime we are in the kitchen. Silly kitty.

Soft-close hinges/drawers: We bought dampers for both our cabinet doors and our drawers from IKEA and had them installed on all the cabinets and drawers. I think that the large pantry door required a different damper, but I can only find one of them online. These were a really nice addition to the room, especially since we have a kiddo who isn't too gentle when he closes things.

Drawers vs. cabinets: For storage in the kitchen we opted to use drawers for anything below the counter and cabinets for anything above, with the exception of the cabinet under the sink. I think this is pretty conventional but storing my pots and pans in drawers was new to me and seemed a little strange. A year later I have no idea how I ever could have been okay with the gymnastic twisting that was required to get anything from the very back of my old cabinets. (Side note: anything involving gymnastics makes me think of this old Dave Barry article about potato guns. And then I think about his Weiner mobile article and I go back and read it and laugh until I cry. Where was I?) I really like having everything in drawers and because their listed max load weight was around 100 lbs I put everything I wanted within easy reach into those drawers. One of the many advantages of having our contractor install the cabinets was that he could do things we likely could not have done. Best example: drawers under the cooktop. Our IKEA kitchen rep told us that most people just put drawer fronts over the opening for show, since the cooktop makes it impossible to install the drawers without modification. Thanks to Doug, who was able to mill out the sections of the drawer that would have interfered with the cooktop, I now have two drawers that would have otherwise been wasted space. The presence of the cooktop means that the contents of these drawers must be fairly shallow, so I use the left one for spices (with the Rationell Variera drawer inserts for spice jars - I can't find these on the IKEA site but could swear I saw them in the store recently) and the right one for cutting boards.

Installation of drawers under the cooktop.

Filled drawers with my random assortment of spices.

Trash cabinet: We stored our kitchen trash under the sink in our apartment and it was kind of a pain to pull the can out whenever you needed to dispose of something. Instead of repeating that here, we chose to have a cabinet dedicated to the trash next to the fridge, which makes cleaning out the fridge really easy. I will say that having the pull for the trash cabinet at the top of the door is creating a lot of stress on the door where it attaches to the drawer, especially because the Numa tends to get a little too enthusiastic when pulling it open to throw out his banana peels.

Glass doors: We used the plain, birch veneer doors and drawer fronts for most of the kitchen but decided it would be nice to break up the solid wood with some glass front doors. We used them only on the upper cabinets that would be housing dishes and one day, when we don't have so many bottles and colorful plastic dining ware, I hope to have those cabinets contain only white, stainless and glass items for a clean look.

Glass doors with empty cabinets.

Pantry cabinet: The pantry cabinet is magical. I never knew you could store so much in one cabinet. We went with the AKURUM high cabinet that was 24"x80"x24", which sounds huge but doesn't look out of place in the room. We decided to use the drawer inserts with a hinged door and I love, love, love this cabinet. Having drawers that pull out one at a time makes it stupid easy to load items in and to find them when you need them. Like all the other kitchen drawers, they can hold a fair amount of weight so I haven't been shy about storing cans and repackaging my grains into large glass jars, partly because they are prettier and partly because they are neater.

Heater: The electricians and Doug installed a toe-kick heater under the cabinet beside the wall oven so our little (or in my case, huge) feet wouldn't get cold in the kitchen. Also because the radiant heat was on that wall and this would be the only heat source in the kitchen during the New England winter. So kind of necessary.

Well, I think that is everything. All the final details. The only thing left is after pics, which will be up soon!

Be well,

Me.

Freeze frame: Early spring 2013.

(I started this in April and am publishing it now with no updates. I wanted it to be longer but it is more important to me that it reflect that particular period in their lives, so on with the show.)

When you have kids, everyone tells you that the days are long but the years are all too short. Unlike so much parenting advice, this is actually true and it is sad and wonderful at the same time. Children change so quickly; like a watch in the night their infancy and toddler-hood speed past and you are left wondering who stole your baby and replaced them with this little person who is crawling or walking or jumping off of the swingset while your heart skips a beat.

I have gone back and reread my Freeze Frame post from February many, many times. It is amazing how much both HH and the Numa have changed in just two months and thus, I have decided it is time for another.

HH

Crawling. My baby is crawling. I can't believe that we are back in baby proofing mode again, this time with stairs. It happened overnight, as in Sunday she wasn't crawling and Monday she was. It didn't take her long to master this new skill and she is loving being able to move on her own, so much so that holding her has become an aerobic event. She twists and lunges constantly because she just wants to be down and moving all the time. She wants to be standing all of the time that she isn't moving, so now when she wakes from her naps we walk in to find her looking at us while holding the crib rails. Her sleep is much improved, and on most days she sleeps from 7 or 7:30pm to around 3am, has a bottle and goes back to sleep till 6:30. Plus she pretty consistently does two naps, one at 10am and one at 2pm, which means that between HH and the Numa someone in our house is napping from about 10am till 4pm.

The babbling. She talks constantly, to herself, to us and to the Numa who continues to be her hero. She has also discovered shrieking and screaming, to M's great delight, and very much enjoys the sound of her own voice. She gets that from me. She loves baby food and the new tastes she is getting of our food. Peas are still a big favorite, but she also likes O's, graham crackers, carrots, potatoes, avocados, bananas and bagels. When she starts to get bored or full she throws individual pieces of food to the floor and then stares at them with great interest. Cleaning her up after meals is becoming a challenge that bibs cannot meet, so as soon as it gets warmer I am predicting that she will be dining sans clothes.

She is so big and so tiny all at the same time. When I compare her to pictures of her as a newborn I can't believe how much she has grown, but when I compare her to the Numa she still seems like my baby for a moment. She has delicious dimples, at the base of each finger, two on each elbow and behind her knees, but escapes being really chubby due to her height. She isn't quite as tall as the Nums was at this age (he had already outgrown his bucket car seat) but she is definitely above average and wearing pants in at least a 12 month size, though some 9 month onesies will still snap over her cute little cloth diapers. Every time I change her for bed I end up stripping her down to just a diaper and then have to spend at least 5 minutes kissing her soft back and squishy thighs and round baby belly before I can bring myself to dress her again. M pretends to be embarrassed for me but he is just jealous. She remains happy and healthy and I can no longer clearly remember a time when our lives didn't include her. To say we love her is to completely miss just how deep our obsession goes.

Numa

The Numa, if I do say so myself, is just an awesome little guy these days. He is loving his new school, from the teachers to the classrooms to all his new friends. M and I retrieve the littles together almost every day and after we get the Nums into his seat and begin to head home, he tells us that he wants to go to school. When one of us remarks that he was just at school, he gleefully exclaims "Wes [let's] go to school AGAIN!" We are so happy that he is so happy - it makes all our sacrifices to have him there worthwhile. After all of the issues we encountered at his old school, nothing has ever made me prouder than hearing his new teachers talk about how kind he is to everyone. He is still restless, still has trouble listening sometimes and has far too much energy, but he is the first one to comfort fellow students who have fallen down or to hug a teacher who has been out sick. So. Very. Proud.

He has been so good at remembering his manners lately that I think I can actually imagine a time when we won't have to remind him to say please and thank you. He pretty consistently says "excuse me" when he wants our attention and, more often than not, has replaced "I want milk" with "can I please have milk." He shares with HH, somewhat more reluctantly since she became mobile but mostly without pouting, and will help pick up toys when asked.

He still has his moments where frustration consumes him and in those moments, I am reminded how important sleep can be when patience is required. He is so opinionated about everything, from his clothes to his food to his hair, which he still HATES to have touched or washed. He has actually started requesting haircuts and is super excited until they start cutting, at which point he tries to melt into his chair. He looks so much older with short hair - it makes M sad and makes me wonder how on earth he got to be such a big boy when we weren't watching. I am constantly reminded that this time in his life is so short and both M and I try very hard to savor the moments because they don't last.

Together they are a happy little duo and they bring us an enormous amount of joy each day. Even when we are exhausted and completely out of patience, we are so thankful to be their parents.

Be well,

Me.

Kid's Clothes Week, Spring 2013.

I am so excited that the Spring 2013 Kid's Clothes Week challenge is almost here! If you are unfamiliar with this event, click on the logo to learn more. Briefly, KCW is a seasonal event that challenges you to "work on making clothes for kids one hour each day for a week." It is a great way to motivate yourself to be creative and make something(s) useful in the bargain, while being part of a larger community of makers and do-ers. Seeing the creations of the other participants is always so inspiring - there are some seriously talented seamstresses in the blogosphere! The FAQ page is useful if you are a first timer.

In past years I have started the challenge with grand goals and almost met them, but this time I am determined to go full out. I have plans for several projects, including a new item for each kiddo and some refashions for both as well. HH in particular is in need of some solid-color duds - my mom buys her tons of cute clothes (thanks Mom!) but most of it is patterned, tops and bottoms, which can make finding a full outfit somewhat difficult. I think that some simple, solid shirts and leggings (that cover her knees because she started crawling last week - where has my baby gone?) will be just the ticket to fill out her spring and summer wardrobe. Plus, fitting pants over her cute, cloth-diapered bum can be hard with ready-to-wear items so roomier pants are on my list. The Numa is growing ever more opinionated about what he will wear, with a strong preference for anything featuring a dinosaur, so he is  going to get some simple separates that will pair well with his current stash. He is also growing like a weed (at just over 3 he is already in a 5T because of his height) but only in the vertical direction so everything for him has to be long and lean. I am thinking that Rae's Flashback Skinny Tee will be perfect for him and plan to make at least one.

Is anyone else planning to join in? I can't wait to get started!

Be well,

Me

Kitchen progress - Chapter 4.

When last we spoke, the kitchen had cabinets, new flooring, finished electrical connections and roughed in plumbing. The next steps were to install the countertops, the new farmhouse sink and four new appliances.

Before I begin, let me tell you a little bit about our goals for the kitchen. (I probably should have opened with this, no?) I cook at least one meal almost every day, and frequently more on the weekends. The Numa and I both love to cook and he "helps" me in the kitchen quite a bit. This translated into a need for a very workable kitchen, with plenty of counter space, a good flow, decent appliances and well organized storage options. What it didn't require were fancy finishes in the form of granite countertops and expensive, custom backsplash tile. When we set out to design the space it was always with the knowledge that we can upgrade finishes down the line if we desire (I will eventually have Heath Ceramics tile on my backsplash) but for right now, serviceable and affordable was key.

We debated many options for the countertops. IKEA has a huge selection of various materials and colors, but we also looked at Lowe's and Home Depot, online and at a local store called Green Depot. Our requirements were a material that was easy care, relatively low VOC (some laminate countertops off-gas like crazy) and somewhat cheap. This meant that granite and marble were ruled out immediately because of their high cost and maintenance requirements, but also because only one of us likes marble (me) and neither of us likes granite. The abundance of wood already in the room meant that butcher block was out and most laminate choices were just too chemical-laden for our taste. I wasn't even willing to discuss tile and though we briefly thought about exploring concrete we were too worried about the weight and ruled that out as well. We eventually whittled it down to two options: solid-surface in the form of CaesarStone and IKEA PRÄGEL laminate. We really loved the look and feel of the CaesarStone but balked a little at the price. We didn't love the PRÄGEL, but it was super cheap (around $3/sq. ft., which made it less than $200 for the entire kitchen) and had at least one finish that we could live with. Another selling point was the fact that IKEA conforms to the German E-1 standard for formaldehyde emissions from particle board, which require emissions to not exceed 0.01 parts per million, making the PRÄGEL the most environmentally safe laminate we found. (You can read more about IKEA's policy about chemicals here and here.) In the end, cost concerns won out and we went with the black stone effect PRÄGEL to balance out all the birch colored wood and to mirror the dark floor.

Sink and countertops.

Verdict: after a year of cooking in this kitchen almost daily, I have no regrets about going with the PRÄGEL. It is easy to clean and looks great with the cabinets and floors. I should note here that one of the downsides of this particular IKEA countertop is that DIY'ers seem to struggle with cutting the material without chipping it. Our contractor, Doug, even recommended against cutting it on an angle because it is cheap laminate, so for our one corner join we opted to abut the two sections perpendicularly, as you can somewhat see in the above photo.

The sink was the very first thing I chose for our kitchen and one of the only things that we didn't change our mind about through the entire process. I fell in love with the DOMSJÖ ceramic, double bowl sink years ago at IKEA and always knew it belonged in my future kitchen. You know how some people fall in love with a wedding dress when they are a teenager and just know it's the one? That is how I felt about this sink. How I still feel about this sink. Because I love it. Hugely. It is a gigantic piece, measuring almost 37" across and very, very heavy. The double bowl is key because you can section your sink needs into two categories, which for us are "things that are too large to fall into the disposal" and "baby bottles and small things that will fall into the disposal." To go with the sink, we chose the now discontinued HJUVIK faucet (2014-1-9 update: this faucet has reappeared in our local IKEA and on the website!), which has a detachable hand sprayer. The modern, industrial look is a nice offset to the more traditional farmhouse sink. We also had the plumber install a Waste King garbage disposal in the left sink.

Like it was designed by angels.

Verdict: after a year of constant use the sink still looks great. I think that if you look closely you can see some small scratches but we never expected or intended this sink to look perfect forever. Our kitchen is a workspace and the patina was always going to reflect that. The one complaint I have about my sink is that the grooved area is more difficult to clean than a flat surface, but it drains water away from the wall nicely so all is forgiven. I really like the faucet as well. The detachable hand spray is great for cleaning the sink and I like that you can lock the spray if you want to use that particular "mode" for the faucet without having to hold down the lever. The garbage disposal sees it fair share of abuse, having eaten at least one spoon and several plastic bottle parts, but doesn't seem any worse for the wear. It is very quiet for all its power and the only thing I would change is that the rubber drain cover over the disposal is a little too closed off, so sometimes I have to use a utensil to push food waste into the unit. Overall we are very pleased with all of the choices we made for the sink area.

The appliances that were in the kitchen when we purchased it were a mixed bag. The dishwasher was ancient and gross and had to go, but the range and refrigerator weren't bad. They were both stainless finishes and the reviews I managed to dig up online were promising. We toyed with the idea of keeping both units until my mom suggested that we go with a separate cooktop and wall oven. Installing a wall oven wasn't something we had considered, mostly because I was used to all-in-one ranges, but after thinking about it for a while and rearranging the kitchen layout (again - poor M) we decided that we really liked the look of the separate units. Plus, we are both taller than average so having an oven I didn't have to bend over to access was pretty appealing. I ruled out a double oven because I just don't need that kind of cooking capacity more than twice a year and couldn't justify taking up valuable storage space with a mostly unused appliance. We finally settled on a Bosch microwave/wall oven combo unit, the oven of which was recommended by Consumer Reports. Bosch is continually cited as one of the most reliable brands in kitchen appliances by CR, so we also chose a Bosch 30" electric cooktop. The actual cooktop does not have those bright white lines outlining the burners - they are more like a pale gray - but I have no good "during" pics of the cooktop as it was the last appliance to be installed. I would love to have a larger cooktop, or even better, a 6-burner gas range, but the space just didn't allow for it and we don't currently have a gas connection on our street. Maybe someday. As a bonus, we managed to sell the existing range on craigslist for a few hundred dollars. Craigslist FTW!

Original range.

Wall oven and microwave.

We looked at lots of exhaust hoods during our planning process and found several that we liked, but they were all expensive and finding reliable ratings was difficult. Thankfully IKEA had a model we liked, the NUTID, and because we bought the whole shebang during a 20% off kitchen sale, we essentially got the hood for free. It is really powerful and on the highest setting will hold a small magazine against the grate. Downside: it is somewhat loud even on the lowest fan setting. The previous exhaust fan was an under the cabinet style unit (which was also not centered over the existing range) so installing the new fan involved patching the old hole (during which we got a peek at the total lack of insulation in our walls - awesome) and cutting a new one at the right height. The NUTID hood comes with an extension for the exhaust pipe cover and we needed almost every inch due to our high ceilings. Doug had quite a challenge matching the two angles of the roofline but did a great job.

Original hood and range/oven. See the crazy offset?

The hole for the old unit is on the bottom. What was with these people and sloppy holes?

Installation of the new unit.

My main requirement of a dishwasher was that it wash my dishes QUIETLY. The dishwasher in our apartment was so loud that you literally could not have a normal volume conversation anywhere near it. I hated it and vowed that our next dishwasher would be so quiet that you would wonder if it was on. I also wanted an adjustable top shelf, attractive handle and stainless interior, but the quiet requirement alone was enough to lead us to Bosch again. I found a model that balanced my need for quiet and our budget and we went with this one. And it is wonderful. Unless we have greatly crowded the racks to the point that dishes are touching you cannot hear it run if you are outside the kitchen and can barely hear it even if you are standing in front of it. It took us quite a while to get used to loading it, as the layout of the tines on both the upper and lower racks are very different from American made units, but now it is fast and easy to load and use. It cleans well and it does so without gusto, so I am a fan. It has lots of settings but we mainly use the auto wash and rinse settings. One of the only drawbacks of the unit is that the auto wash cycle is almost 2 hours long. Fortunately the small display on the front tells you how much time is left so you can plan accordingly. Again, I don't have any during pics so you will have to wait for the final reveal.

Original fridge and dishwasher.

Although we left a space large enough for a cabinet-depth fridge, we eventually decided to keep the GE refrigerator that came with the house. The finish worked with the other appliances and, other than not being cabinet-depth, it met our requirements: single door, bottom freezer with no in-door ice maker (we have kids and would rather not have water and ice all over the kitchen floor and before you ask, the Numa is already capable of defeating the child locks so that won't help).

Verdict: So-so. The cooktop has had no issues to date but can be a pain to keep clean. The oven cooks evenly and reliably but we are in the middle of a series of repairs to both the oven and microwave. The self-clean function on the oven is broken and we are waiting on a part to see if that will fix the issue. Additionally, there is a distinct vertical line through the middle of the amber colored text display panel that is annoying but not detrimental to the operation of the oven. I should also note that I have yet to use the convection mode or any of the other fancy cooking modes. What can I say, I just need to bake and broil stuff. The microwave was doing okay until a couple of months ago when it began having door latch issues which lead to it not starting. Also, the door is LOUD to close and open, which makes it harder to use with sleeping kids upstairs. We may just try to get it replaced to see if our unit is a lemon. Bosch customer service has been really helpful, though, so hopefully all will be well. The dishwasher continues to work well despite being run pretty much every day, sometimes twice. The fridge is meh - overall it is okay but every once in a while it will freeze things in the fridge for no reason that we can detect. It will do for now.

Everything but the cooktop and under-cooktop drawers.

Well, I think all that's left is the small details and the final reveal!

Be well,

Me

Right now.

Right now, I...

Am home for my second vacation day to try to get the house cleaned and organized.

Have found at least 6 BIG boxes worth of stuff for the upcoming yard sale.

Am listening to Roundtrip :: April mixtape by Anoraak because M left it playing. I like it.

Can't believe that HH learned to crawl literally overnight and by Monday was seriously on the move.

Love that anytime HH falls while crawling the Numa is the first to hug her and say "iss okay."

Wish I had the money to hire someone to take care of this mess for me.

Have just remembered that I need to call our insurance company about some benefits.

Am anticipating a phone call from an old friend who found me on FB.

Want to knit or sew or cook...anything but more cleaning.

Will probably change the music soon because this mix is too chill to inspire rapid progress.

Should get back to it because I have to get the littles in just 3 hours.

Decided on Robert Plant and Alison Krauss for motivation. Along with Frou Frou and Katy Perry. I'm nothing if not eclectic.

Swear that I will post the final two entries in the kitchen series by Monday. Cross my heart.

Be well,

Me