Kid's Clothes Week, Spring 2013.

I am so excited that the Spring 2013 Kid's Clothes Week challenge is almost here! If you are unfamiliar with this event, click on the logo to learn more. Briefly, KCW is a seasonal event that challenges you to "work on making clothes for kids one hour each day for a week." It is a great way to motivate yourself to be creative and make something(s) useful in the bargain, while being part of a larger community of makers and do-ers. Seeing the creations of the other participants is always so inspiring - there are some seriously talented seamstresses in the blogosphere! The FAQ page is useful if you are a first timer.

In past years I have started the challenge with grand goals and almost met them, but this time I am determined to go full out. I have plans for several projects, including a new item for each kiddo and some refashions for both as well. HH in particular is in need of some solid-color duds - my mom buys her tons of cute clothes (thanks Mom!) but most of it is patterned, tops and bottoms, which can make finding a full outfit somewhat difficult. I think that some simple, solid shirts and leggings (that cover her knees because she started crawling last week - where has my baby gone?) will be just the ticket to fill out her spring and summer wardrobe. Plus, fitting pants over her cute, cloth-diapered bum can be hard with ready-to-wear items so roomier pants are on my list. The Numa is growing ever more opinionated about what he will wear, with a strong preference for anything featuring a dinosaur, so he is  going to get some simple separates that will pair well with his current stash. He is also growing like a weed (at just over 3 he is already in a 5T because of his height) but only in the vertical direction so everything for him has to be long and lean. I am thinking that Rae's Flashback Skinny Tee will be perfect for him and plan to make at least one.

Is anyone else planning to join in? I can't wait to get started!

Be well,

Me

Kitchen progress - Chapter 4.

When last we spoke, the kitchen had cabinets, new flooring, finished electrical connections and roughed in plumbing. The next steps were to install the countertops, the new farmhouse sink and four new appliances.

Before I begin, let me tell you a little bit about our goals for the kitchen. (I probably should have opened with this, no?) I cook at least one meal almost every day, and frequently more on the weekends. The Numa and I both love to cook and he "helps" me in the kitchen quite a bit. This translated into a need for a very workable kitchen, with plenty of counter space, a good flow, decent appliances and well organized storage options. What it didn't require were fancy finishes in the form of granite countertops and expensive, custom backsplash tile. When we set out to design the space it was always with the knowledge that we can upgrade finishes down the line if we desire (I will eventually have Heath Ceramics tile on my backsplash) but for right now, serviceable and affordable was key.

We debated many options for the countertops. IKEA has a huge selection of various materials and colors, but we also looked at Lowe's and Home Depot, online and at a local store called Green Depot. Our requirements were a material that was easy care, relatively low VOC (some laminate countertops off-gas like crazy) and somewhat cheap. This meant that granite and marble were ruled out immediately because of their high cost and maintenance requirements, but also because only one of us likes marble (me) and neither of us likes granite. The abundance of wood already in the room meant that butcher block was out and most laminate choices were just too chemical-laden for our taste. I wasn't even willing to discuss tile and though we briefly thought about exploring concrete we were too worried about the weight and ruled that out as well. We eventually whittled it down to two options: solid-surface in the form of CaesarStone and IKEA PRÄGEL laminate. We really loved the look and feel of the CaesarStone but balked a little at the price. We didn't love the PRÄGEL, but it was super cheap (around $3/sq. ft., which made it less than $200 for the entire kitchen) and had at least one finish that we could live with. Another selling point was the fact that IKEA conforms to the German E-1 standard for formaldehyde emissions from particle board, which require emissions to not exceed 0.01 parts per million, making the PRÄGEL the most environmentally safe laminate we found. (You can read more about IKEA's policy about chemicals here and here.) In the end, cost concerns won out and we went with the black stone effect PRÄGEL to balance out all the birch colored wood and to mirror the dark floor.

Sink and countertops.

Verdict: after a year of cooking in this kitchen almost daily, I have no regrets about going with the PRÄGEL. It is easy to clean and looks great with the cabinets and floors. I should note here that one of the downsides of this particular IKEA countertop is that DIY'ers seem to struggle with cutting the material without chipping it. Our contractor, Doug, even recommended against cutting it on an angle because it is cheap laminate, so for our one corner join we opted to abut the two sections perpendicularly, as you can somewhat see in the above photo.

The sink was the very first thing I chose for our kitchen and one of the only things that we didn't change our mind about through the entire process. I fell in love with the DOMSJÖ ceramic, double bowl sink years ago at IKEA and always knew it belonged in my future kitchen. You know how some people fall in love with a wedding dress when they are a teenager and just know it's the one? That is how I felt about this sink. How I still feel about this sink. Because I love it. Hugely. It is a gigantic piece, measuring almost 37" across and very, very heavy. The double bowl is key because you can section your sink needs into two categories, which for us are "things that are too large to fall into the disposal" and "baby bottles and small things that will fall into the disposal." To go with the sink, we chose the now discontinued HJUVIK faucet (2014-1-9 update: this faucet has reappeared in our local IKEA and on the website!), which has a detachable hand sprayer. The modern, industrial look is a nice offset to the more traditional farmhouse sink. We also had the plumber install a Waste King garbage disposal in the left sink.

Like it was designed by angels.

Verdict: after a year of constant use the sink still looks great. I think that if you look closely you can see some small scratches but we never expected or intended this sink to look perfect forever. Our kitchen is a workspace and the patina was always going to reflect that. The one complaint I have about my sink is that the grooved area is more difficult to clean than a flat surface, but it drains water away from the wall nicely so all is forgiven. I really like the faucet as well. The detachable hand spray is great for cleaning the sink and I like that you can lock the spray if you want to use that particular "mode" for the faucet without having to hold down the lever. The garbage disposal sees it fair share of abuse, having eaten at least one spoon and several plastic bottle parts, but doesn't seem any worse for the wear. It is very quiet for all its power and the only thing I would change is that the rubber drain cover over the disposal is a little too closed off, so sometimes I have to use a utensil to push food waste into the unit. Overall we are very pleased with all of the choices we made for the sink area.

The appliances that were in the kitchen when we purchased it were a mixed bag. The dishwasher was ancient and gross and had to go, but the range and refrigerator weren't bad. They were both stainless finishes and the reviews I managed to dig up online were promising. We toyed with the idea of keeping both units until my mom suggested that we go with a separate cooktop and wall oven. Installing a wall oven wasn't something we had considered, mostly because I was used to all-in-one ranges, but after thinking about it for a while and rearranging the kitchen layout (again - poor M) we decided that we really liked the look of the separate units. Plus, we are both taller than average so having an oven I didn't have to bend over to access was pretty appealing. I ruled out a double oven because I just don't need that kind of cooking capacity more than twice a year and couldn't justify taking up valuable storage space with a mostly unused appliance. We finally settled on a Bosch microwave/wall oven combo unit, the oven of which was recommended by Consumer Reports. Bosch is continually cited as one of the most reliable brands in kitchen appliances by CR, so we also chose a Bosch 30" electric cooktop. The actual cooktop does not have those bright white lines outlining the burners - they are more like a pale gray - but I have no good "during" pics of the cooktop as it was the last appliance to be installed. I would love to have a larger cooktop, or even better, a 6-burner gas range, but the space just didn't allow for it and we don't currently have a gas connection on our street. Maybe someday. As a bonus, we managed to sell the existing range on craigslist for a few hundred dollars. Craigslist FTW!

Original range.

Wall oven and microwave.

We looked at lots of exhaust hoods during our planning process and found several that we liked, but they were all expensive and finding reliable ratings was difficult. Thankfully IKEA had a model we liked, the NUTID, and because we bought the whole shebang during a 20% off kitchen sale, we essentially got the hood for free. It is really powerful and on the highest setting will hold a small magazine against the grate. Downside: it is somewhat loud even on the lowest fan setting. The previous exhaust fan was an under the cabinet style unit (which was also not centered over the existing range) so installing the new fan involved patching the old hole (during which we got a peek at the total lack of insulation in our walls - awesome) and cutting a new one at the right height. The NUTID hood comes with an extension for the exhaust pipe cover and we needed almost every inch due to our high ceilings. Doug had quite a challenge matching the two angles of the roofline but did a great job.

Original hood and range/oven. See the crazy offset?

The hole for the old unit is on the bottom. What was with these people and sloppy holes?

Installation of the new unit.

My main requirement of a dishwasher was that it wash my dishes QUIETLY. The dishwasher in our apartment was so loud that you literally could not have a normal volume conversation anywhere near it. I hated it and vowed that our next dishwasher would be so quiet that you would wonder if it was on. I also wanted an adjustable top shelf, attractive handle and stainless interior, but the quiet requirement alone was enough to lead us to Bosch again. I found a model that balanced my need for quiet and our budget and we went with this one. And it is wonderful. Unless we have greatly crowded the racks to the point that dishes are touching you cannot hear it run if you are outside the kitchen and can barely hear it even if you are standing in front of it. It took us quite a while to get used to loading it, as the layout of the tines on both the upper and lower racks are very different from American made units, but now it is fast and easy to load and use. It cleans well and it does so without gusto, so I am a fan. It has lots of settings but we mainly use the auto wash and rinse settings. One of the only drawbacks of the unit is that the auto wash cycle is almost 2 hours long. Fortunately the small display on the front tells you how much time is left so you can plan accordingly. Again, I don't have any during pics so you will have to wait for the final reveal.

Original fridge and dishwasher.

Although we left a space large enough for a cabinet-depth fridge, we eventually decided to keep the GE refrigerator that came with the house. The finish worked with the other appliances and, other than not being cabinet-depth, it met our requirements: single door, bottom freezer with no in-door ice maker (we have kids and would rather not have water and ice all over the kitchen floor and before you ask, the Numa is already capable of defeating the child locks so that won't help).

Verdict: So-so. The cooktop has had no issues to date but can be a pain to keep clean. The oven cooks evenly and reliably but we are in the middle of a series of repairs to both the oven and microwave. The self-clean function on the oven is broken and we are waiting on a part to see if that will fix the issue. Additionally, there is a distinct vertical line through the middle of the amber colored text display panel that is annoying but not detrimental to the operation of the oven. I should also note that I have yet to use the convection mode or any of the other fancy cooking modes. What can I say, I just need to bake and broil stuff. The microwave was doing okay until a couple of months ago when it began having door latch issues which lead to it not starting. Also, the door is LOUD to close and open, which makes it harder to use with sleeping kids upstairs. We may just try to get it replaced to see if our unit is a lemon. Bosch customer service has been really helpful, though, so hopefully all will be well. The dishwasher continues to work well despite being run pretty much every day, sometimes twice. The fridge is meh - overall it is okay but every once in a while it will freeze things in the fridge for no reason that we can detect. It will do for now.

Everything but the cooktop and under-cooktop drawers.

Well, I think all that's left is the small details and the final reveal!

Be well,

Me

Right now.

Right now, I...

Am home for my second vacation day to try to get the house cleaned and organized.

Have found at least 6 BIG boxes worth of stuff for the upcoming yard sale.

Am listening to Roundtrip :: April mixtape by Anoraak because M left it playing. I like it.

Can't believe that HH learned to crawl literally overnight and by Monday was seriously on the move.

Love that anytime HH falls while crawling the Numa is the first to hug her and say "iss okay."

Wish I had the money to hire someone to take care of this mess for me.

Have just remembered that I need to call our insurance company about some benefits.

Am anticipating a phone call from an old friend who found me on FB.

Want to knit or sew or cook...anything but more cleaning.

Will probably change the music soon because this mix is too chill to inspire rapid progress.

Should get back to it because I have to get the littles in just 3 hours.

Decided on Robert Plant and Alison Krauss for motivation. Along with Frou Frou and Katy Perry. I'm nothing if not eclectic.

Swear that I will post the final two entries in the kitchen series by Monday. Cross my heart.

Be well,

Me

My breastfeeding journey - final chapter.

When HH was about 4 weeks old, she started to become impatient with breastfeeding. Her latch was less sure and she would fuss as she would stop and start. In a little less than a week she went from breastfeeding at the beginning of every feed to only breastfeeding 2-3 times a day. I started pumping when she would refuse the breast in the hopes of keeping up my meager supply but it was dwindling quickly and I started to panic. Somewhere in the middle of trying to reassure myself that this was a temporary setback reality reared its ugly head: my daughter was self weaning at 5 weeks old.

I had tried to prepare myself for this moment, knowing it was inevitable, but it never occurred to me that it would be so soon. I had convinced myself that with her great latch and ability to switch effortlessly from breast to bottle she would do both at least as long as the Numa if not longer. It was crushing to feel like I was failing, again, especially after I told myself that having my hard won perspective was going to make it easier this time.

M and I talked about it and decided to again consult the LC who had been so helpful with the Numa. She came to our home when HH was about 6 weeks old and listened with sympathy as I described the situation before confirming that HH was, in fact, self weaning due to my low supply and the slower flow afforded by the breast. We discussed a myriad of options, from using a supplemental nursing system (I barely even considered it as I have a toddler and that was just going to be too much for me to deal with) to changing HH's bottles to a brand that more accurately resembled a breast. One thing that was a given was increasing the number of times a day I was pumping. If I had any hope of continuing to breastfeed I was going to have to start pumping way, way more often to keep my supply up. (I should note that even though I was taking the maximum recommended amount of Go-Lacta and fenugreek and doing numerous other things to keep up my supply, on a good day I would get 1.5 ounces after pumping for 30 minutes, which was disappointing at best.) The LC was supportive and kind and before she left, she hugged me and reassured me that it was all going to be okay. And I really wanted to believe her.

Before having HH I had decided to try breastfeeding again, but I had also convinced myself that if it didn't work out it would be fine. I wasn't going to punish myself this time like I did the last and I was going to accept that whether it worked or it didn't, my child would be okay. I still knew this in theory, as my 4 week old baby was starting to refuse the breast, but my heart and my head disagreed about just how devastated I should be. There were lots of tears and even more guilt, all about something that was almost entirely out of my control and certainly not my fault. I think the timing was the real issue, since I just wasn't expecting her to realize quite that early that the bottle was an eminently faster method of eating. M's attitude was also unhelpful, since he very much wanted me to continue to pump as long as possible, and even offered to come home during the day to help if necessary, but he couldn't fully understand how depressing it was to pump for so long to get so little. I know he wanted to help, but our conversations just made me feel more alone.

In the end, I decided that what would be would be. I would pump as much as I was able during the day, continue to take supplements and offer the breast frequently, but I wasn't going to embark on a quest that would exhaust me and take time away from interacting with HH. At 8 weeks HH declared all done: she no longer cared to work so hard for so little and would not even entertain the thought of breastfeeding. The day I finally let go and stopped offering her my breast I felt a huge weight lift. I no longer had to deal with the daily frustration of pumping or invest huge amounts of money on supplements or spend 30 minutes feeding HH every 2 hours. Overwhelmingly I was just relieved that I was done fighting with and being disappointed by my body. HH has been a formula baby ever since (Earth's Best Organic, if anyone is interested) and she is beyond thriving.

Almost 7 months later, I have mixed feelings about my breastfeeding experience. I loved doing it; watching HH from that angle was something special that only I got to do and when she was still enjoying it we had lots of quiet, calm moments together to just be. Just as I did with the Numa, I made sure to get some photos of her breastfeeding from my vantage point so I could always remember staring at her perfect, chubby cheek while she nursed. But at the same time I can understand why so many women quit breastfeeding earlier than they planned, or wanted, to. When it goes well it is wonderful, but when you spend every day struggling to make it work for any reason it can become a very real drain at a time when you are already tired and anxious. The last thing I needed on any day at home with a baby was more stress and the constant fight to maintain my supply was simply one thing too many. I have no regrets about my decision to give it a go and none about my decision to let it go, because both were right for me and for HH. M was disappointed but also super supportive once I decided to stop trying and I appreciated his acceptance.

I don't know why I decided to launch this story into the abyss of the internet. I think part of me wants to remember the details but, as much as I hate to admit it, another is searching for acceptance in a world that actively judges women for "choosing" formula. I hope someone else who has struggled will read this and find solace in the fact that they are not alone. As parents, and especially as mothers, we face a constant stream of judgement from the masses about our choices (there are no right choices - see this awesome graphic) and it is exhausting. Maybe eventually, my story can just be one among many, not right or wrong, from parents everywhere who are just trying to raise good people without completely losing themselves in the process. Fingers crossed, right?

Be well,

Me

Who shot J.R.?

I hate cliffhangers. A lot. As a plot device I can understand their appeal and I can tolerate them if they are used sparingly and unobtrusively. (Or to save your own life...I have nothing but respect for Scheherazade.) But some authors/writers just have no clue when enough is enough. This is why, despite the accolades that poured in from the rest of the world, I just couldn't stand The DaVinci Code. Dan Brown ended almost every chapter with a cliffhanger which seemed sloppy at best and made the book, in my opinion at least, virtually unreadable.

Why am I talking about cliffhangers? Well, it turns out that I unintentionally created some of my own when I failed to finish my series of posts about my breastfeeding journey or the series about the kitchen. In an effort not to become that person, I will try to finish both series in the next week or so, thus ending any suspense about feeding HH (spoiler: she is exclusively formula fed and just fine) or about the conclusion of our kitchen remodel (spoiler: we have some issues with our wall oven but otherwise are pretty happy).

In the meantime, I just discovered an excellent post on Babble about breast hypoplasia that was written last fall. I am sharing it here because I know I would have appreciated finding it while I was still in the throes of frustration and disappointment while trying to breastfeed my two little ones. Hopefully it will help someone else who is in the same situation.

It's Not You, It's Your Boobs by Lisa Selin Davis.

Be well,

Me.

Sick day, snow day.

Well, M is out of town again and we are in the middle of another big snowstorm. Right now I would say we have about 6-8 inches at the house and I think we are set to get another 2-4. The snow is really pretty, wet enough that it is sticking to the trees and covering everything with a clean layer of white. I always love this part and am a little sad when the plows move through, throwing dirty, muddy snow on top of all that lovely white.

Yesterday.

Radar in the snow.

Pawprints.

I wish we were going to get to enjoy the out of doors today, but the Numa is sick. He was home yesterday as well but it was just he and me as HH got to go to school. With M thousands of miles away, I just couldn't see shoveling all that snow and cleaning off the car to take one of them out this morning only to have to do it again this afternoon to fetch her. So here we are, the three of us. I don't know what we will do, trapped inside, but hopefully our day will include a few naps for the sake of my sanity. And maybe cake. For the sake of our tummies.

This morning, around 8am.

Be well,

Me

One thousand.

This morning I officially gained my one thousandth (!!!) Pinterest follower.

I am ridiculously excited about this, though it seems like a really small thing. I don't publicize this blog, so no one is following me because they like my blog. I'm not famous so I don't have a celebrity following. And my Pinterest page lacks real focus, so it isn't as if there is a single community that is identifying with my pins. I have 65 boards that cover pretty much anything and everything, from all types of crafting and creating to home inspiration to single colors. I guess what I am trying to say here is that I don't know how or why so many people have found my page and decided they liked it, but I am glad. Four digits worth of followers makes me smile.

Things have been a little rough on the home front lately. M traveled a good bit in the past few weeks leaving me alone with the two littles, save for a couple of nights when our fantastic babysitter came to help. I am tired and discouraged with our lack of a good routine and very ready for everyone to be well. But we are moving on and hopefully March will find us settling in a little more.

Be well,

Me